Just a Ride
by Kuruk
Summary: In the wake of her husband's sudden passing, Muffy attempts to hold her life together.


_Hey-hey, it's Kuruk with another oneshot! :)_

_So, this one is another sad story I worked on all morning. It's about Muffy and coping with the loss of the love of her life and in the end, deciding to live to the fullest._

_Disclaimer: I still don't own Harvest Moon... Don't sue me, then!_

_Hope you enjoy!_

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_**Just a Ride**_

The light that filtered into her vision was the thing that probably woke her... it hurt, for some odd reason.

Muffy's eyelids fluttered open as she took in her surroundings. The red furnishings of her room greeted her, and as her sluggish mind struggled to begin to function for the day, she smiled to herself and rolled over towards the warm body that was sleeping next to her...

Only to be greeted with cold sheets that sapped at her already cool body, as id Jack hadn't slept next to her at all last night...

"Jack?" she called, sitting up in bed and looking around her home, hoping to see her husband around somewhere, smiling at her. The house was empty and silent...

Muffy swung her legs over the side of the bed and when her feet hit the cold floor, the realization washed over her at once.

Jack was dead.

How could she forget?

The tears came again and her pale hands flitted to her already swollen eyes, shutting out the world and allowing her a world where it was only her and her pain. But of course, reality always set in...

"Mommy?" came a soft voice. Muffy looked up out of her hands and into the face of six year old Michael, wide-eyed with concern and fear. Muffy instantly sobered, but he'd seen her... "Are you okay? What happened?"

Muffy said nothing, instead she opened up her arms to her son and he came. His small body was warm, but barely warm enough to warm Muffy's cold one. She allowed her son's head to seek comfort and reassurance in the crook of her neck, and she allowed her breathing to even out and normalize; not in front of Michael, she reminded herself.

"Are you okay, mommy?" Michael asked her again, pulling out of his mother's hug and regarding her with those big green eyes that were similar to Muffy's own green orbs.

Muffy gave her son a weak, false smile. "Of course," she reassured him.

"Then why were you crying?" Michael asked suspiciously.

"I wasn't crying," Muffy told him, smiling even wider to show him that she was happy, "See?"

Michael's suspicion died away and he smiled back and nodded, hugging his mother again just to make sure. Even though he was young he still knew something was wrong... of course, Muffy chided herself, his father hadn't come home in two days and his mother had taken to crying when he wasn't around...

Hiding her own emotional pain and agony behind a mother's mask, Muffy pulled herself off the bed and onto her feet, which threatened to give out from under her. Steeling herself, Muffy took her son's hand and led him into the kitchen, where she made him breakfast.

She didn't bother eating.

At least until Michael looked at her strangely and she smiled at him obligingly and ate some of the fruit she's served him.

Halfway through breakfast there was a knock on the door and Muffy got to her feet, flashed another reassuring smile at her son and weakly made her way to her room, threw on a robe over her pajamas and some slippers on her numb feet.

She didn't even bother checking her appearance in the mirror like she used to. What was the point?

After opening the door rather slowly she saw the slight, frail figure of Celia at the door through the light that hurt her eyes and made them flutter closed for a moment. She looked more pale than usual and it was only then that Muffy noticed that it was because she wore a black, ankle-length dress.

It gave her a punch to the stomach, that black of mourning...

"Oh, Muffy," Celia said, embracing her friend. Muffy did not cry; she wouldn't let herself, "How are you holding up?"

"Okay," Muffy lied. It wasn't okay; it would never be okay ever again.

After Muffy broke the embrace she invited Celia into the dark house and the brunette looked around sadly, no doubt saddened by the state her best friend and the house were in.

"Muffy," Celia said, giving her friend a sad smile, "Why don't you go take a shower and I'll take care of everything, okay?"

Muffy shook her head. "Michael needs to get dressed, I-I..." she took a moment to compose herself, "Need to find something to wear... I-I... don't have anything clean-," she got out through her choked-up voice.

"It's okay," Celia reassured her, "Nami's coming over with a black dress for you that you can borrow and I'll take good care of Michael, don't worry about it... just go and take care of yourself."

Muffy wasn't convinced. Tears prickled at her eyes and she wanted to fight to be able to dress her own son when the door to the kitchen opened and Michael stepped out, holding his empty plate. "Auntie Celia!" Michael cried and ran over to hug her. Muffy hid her face as Celia smiled sadly at the boy in her arms and met her best friend's eyes and gestured towards the bathroom pleadingly. Muffy obliged and made her way to the bathroom.

"Okay, Mikey," she heard Celia say as cheerfully as she could, "While your mommy goes and takes a bath I'm gonna go ahead and help you get dressed, okay?"

She could barely hear her son's reply as she slipped into the bathroom and started the water, carelessly disrobing and feeling the cold air on her already numb bare skin. As steam rose from the shower she eased herself into it, surprised at the heat that battered her numb skin and warmed her.

Mechanically, Muffy went through her bathing ritual while her mind wandered and she carelessly allowed it to do so. She thought of Jack and their wedding day, of Jack's warm smile that always warmed her up inside, of the day they discovered she was pregnant and how she and Jack danced around the farm in sheer joy, of the day Michael was born and how Jack had been wound up like a worried crazed man, of raising their son, of the day she found him in the barn, collapsed on the floor... gone.

Of Jack's promise that he'd failed to keep... "I'll be hear with you forever."

Forever.

Muffy couldn't tell if the droplets of water rushing down her cheeks were her own tears or just the shower's water... but she knew she was crying, and she allowed herself to since she was free of everyone else's eyes; she didn't need to keep appearances with herself...

Although she wished she could just stay in the shower forever and allow herself to drift away, she knew she had to face it. After turning off the shower and drying herself, she wrapped her robe around her again and stepped out into the kitchen, where she found the redheaded Nami washing her dishes diligently.

She was also wearing black, a dress, surprisingly, like Celia. At the sound of the bathroom door closing, Nami turned and looked at Muffy, the redhead's big blue eyes showing rare compassion and sadness.

"Hey Muffy," Nami said, shutting off the water and standing there awkwardly.

Muffy nodded at her in acknowledgment and Nami showed her a black dress. "Celia told me you'd bring one for me," Muffy said, surprised that her voice wasn't breaking yet, "Thank you..."

"Don't mention it," Nami said easily, handing Muffy the dress and a cup of water and leaving the kitchen to give her some privacy, but not before asking if she needed anything, to which Muffy responded with a thank you and a negative.

Muffy put on the dress numbly and realized that it fit snugly. Nami was a size smaller than her... she realized... had she lost weight...?

Celia walked in and smiled weakly at Muffy. Without a word the brunette started on Muffy's wet hair and somehow, after what seemed like only a few minutes to Muffy, into a respectable style.

Celia started on her makeup when Nami walked in with Michael in tow. When Muffy tried to smile like she always did at Michael, she found him wearing a small black suit, his blonde hair combed back... he looked scared and uncomfortable...

And Muffy almost started crying again at the sight.

"You look... very handsome, sweetie," Muffy said, feeling her eyes moisten, "Daddy... daddy would be proud of you..."

Celia looked away and Nami found interest in the roof, but Michael's face turned quizzical and confused. Muffy knew what he was going to ask, and to be honest, he could not answer that question... not yet.

"Ready to go?" Muffy asked the room at large, and Celia and Nami, looking surprised, nodded and began to head towards the door, Michael's hand in Muffy's cold one.

Muffy hadn't been outside since the day it happened and as such the light felt like a plague to her eyes and the air a reprieve to her lungs. She's rather be back inside, oblivious to it all...

As they walked towards the burial site, Muffy allowed herself to cry a bit, and seeing this, Celia took Michael on ahead, looking back at Muffy in concern, who had sat down on grass, crying into her hands.

"Muffy," Nami said, sounding strange, "I'm not good at saying stuff like this... but I have to go ahead and say it," Muffy stopped crying, "We all miss him... and I know that you miss him most, and you need to be strong for your kid... but... whenever it gets hard, remember that this... that life... it's just a ride," Muffy looked up and into Nami's eyes. The redhead had tears in her eyes which she quickly wiped away, "Life's a ride. Wait it out to the end and you'll see everyone that got off before you... but until then... try... try to enjoy it, even though it's sometimes really hard."

With that Nami walked away, leaving Muffy alone and bewildered...

After a few minutes, finding the last of her strength as she thought about what Nami had told her, Muffy got up and made her way up to the hill, where she was going to say her last goodbye to the man she loved.

_From the pages of Muffy's diary:_

_'I'm all alone now, Jack._

_You left me alone and had me answer things Michael shouldn't have to learn when he's six years old._

_You left me alone at your funeral, in a town I was never really a part of, to deal with people hugging me and telling me it's okay when it's not okay, and maybe it never will be._

_You left me alone to deal with your sleazy relatives from the city... you know how much I hate them, especially your uncle, the one that always tries to feel me up, remember?_

_You left me alone to cry as they lowered you into the ground. _

_You left me alone to hold Michael's hand and stay silent as he starts crying and wailing what they're doing to his daddy; that you're just sleeping and you'll be mad when you wake up._

_You left me alone to work a farm I hardly know how to run._

_You made me fall in love with you then you just die and leave me hear. What kind of a man does that? I hate you so much sometimes it isn't even funny... but I always end up hating myself for feeling that way towards you._

_And now, I don't know what to do with my life..._

_But I'm going to keep going, Jack._

_I'm going to raise our son into a good man that can do whatever he wants with his life. I'm going to run this farm and dirty my hands to make it the best one anywhere. I'm going to laugh and cry, and live, and I'm not going to visit you everyday because I don't know how I'll feel if I do..._

_And somehow, I'm going to be happy. And I know how to be happy Jack, because you gave me a baby boy that I love so much, and I have friends that stick by me when times are tough, and Griffin who's like a dad to me... and Takakura, who even though seems not to like me very much, has promised to help..._

_And even though I've lost you and I'll never really be the same, bubbly and happy girl you fell in love with the days you used to visit the Blue Bar after work, I'll always be here, breathing the air you breathed, working the land you loved, raising the son you always loved, being the woman you fell in love with and granted her every dream..._

_But one day, Jack, when it's my turn to get off this ride, I'll see you again, and then I'll be me again..._

_Until then, though, I have a lot of things to do, and I'm not leaving until I'm done with them._

_I will always love you..._

_Yours forever,_

_Muffy'_

Muffy let one last tear fall on the cover of her diary, then, resolutely, she put it in the small hole she dug next to Jack's grave. After covering it up, not even minding that her hands were getting dirty, she stood up and smiled for the first time at the full moon above.

"It's just a ride," she repeated.

Then, the woman made her way back home, where the next day she's start working the land her husband had loved so much...

And even though she was heartbroken and anguished, she was content that she was still here, to take care of everything that Jack had loved so much...

And maybe that, just maybe that, was enough...

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_A/N: Another depressing one... but I do hope you liked it: maybe it showed a side of Muffy you guys don't usually see? That's right guys, she isn't a slutty, desperate barmaid! She's a woman; a woman that values love above everything else and just wants to share her life with someone else._

_So, yup. Hope you enjoyed it and I also hope that you review ;)_

_See ya guys later!_


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